Humane Society Turmoil: From the Ashes Arises a He

Published:

Hello Children,

They sure enough has been a whole mess of nonsense surrounding the Franklin County Humane Society of late, and I for one believe it's time to clear the air by airing the FACTS!

Following will be the first of a multi-part series detailing the ills what have befallen the Humane Society.

For a full history, why don't y'all peruse these intertubes pages below:

7/13: Dognapping charge for animal lover [http://www.state-journal.com/news/article/5065269]
8/03: Women plead not guilty in dognapping [http://www.state-journal.com/news/article/5076565]
8/07: Fighting like cats and dogs [http://www.state-journal.com/news/article/5078195]
8/08: Humane Society calls special meeting [http://www.state-journal.com/news/article/5078656]
8/09: Humane society beyond repair? [http://www.state-journal.com/news/article/5079171]

Now if'n you're all caught up, we'll just start at the beginning.

I ain't gonna recount the whole story, as you can read that at this here newspaper (yes hon, I am aware it's a part of the MAINSTREAM MEDIA; but at least it ain't so Liberal as to be part of the LAMESTREAM MEDIA!), but I would like to fill you fine folks in on some of the unsung heroes of this here sad tale!

Chief among them is our own Christian Warrior, Constable Floyd Hockensmith!

It was Constable Floyd what was summoned to the animal shelter the next day (June 19), called there by another of Jesus' Holy Warriors, shelter manager Diann Wellman.

Now you might be asking yourself at this point, "self, if'n this was such a serious crime as theft, why wasn't the POLICE called?"

You might ask yourself that if you're some kind of SOCIALIST LIBERAL, but us REAL Americans know that sometimes you can't just sit on your hands while the police dilly-dally with "real crimes"!

Sometimes you got no recourse but to rely on the crack crime-fighting abilities of that most NOBLE of creatures, the COUNTY CONSTABLE!

Follow this here link for contact information and rest easy in the knowledge you needn't ever bother with 911 ever again with these folks on the beat: [http://franklincounty.ky.gov/about/constables.htm]

Anyhow, Constable Floyd didn't waste no time and leapt into super crime-fighting mode!

His thirst for justice can never be sated! His demands for swift action know no bounds!

So much so that it took him less than ONE MONTH to complete his investigation into this sordid and convoluted CRIME of epic proportions!

You read that right, children: an investigation involving two people and a dog was completed in just THREE WEEKS!

Was ever there a more probing and exacting mind than Constable Floyd?

Now I know what some of you Obama-bots out there are thinking: "wait! Floyd was the county representative on the Humane Society board of directors! And it's well known there was some animosity between him and suspect Stephanie Bramblet, the subject of his investigation! Surely that is a conflict of interest?!"

Well hippie, why do you think he resigned his post two weeks LATER?!

That's right! In order to avoid any appearance of impropriety, he resigned AFTER conducting a thorough investigation and presenting charges!

To paraphrase my grandkids, you just got served, hippie!

But Constable Floyd ain't never satisfied until he done wrung all the JUSTICE out of any situation, and this here ain't no different!

Did you know that through his KEEN observation and shrewd, probing nature that he was able to later determine that the dog in question is worth more than 10,000 dollars?!

Yessiree! Constable Floyd done collected evidence that an unaltered, non-microchipped PIT BULL MIX is worth more money than my grandson's used Ford Explorer!

Lord have mercy, I can't wait "til the September hearing and I get to see that judge's face as he's told that these two EVIL women (probably Liberals) done conspired to steal a 10,000 dollar dog!

Now I ain't quite sure what evidence Constable Floyd presented to prove that there super dog's worth, but I for one will be present to ensure that County Attorney Rick Sparks done expend state time and resources to prosecute this here DOGNAPPING!

Now if'n that means a few drug dealers or rapists go free, then so be it!

We got ourselves two hardened criminals to convict!

-Norma Jean

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