Affair brings both pleasure and pain

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DEAR ABBY: Ill get right to the point. I have fallen in love with my sisters boyfriend and he with me, so he says. We have been lovers from the first moment we realized our feelings for each other were mutual, and have been hiding them from my sister ever since.

Greg is not only handsome, but he listens to whatever I say, takes it into thoughtful consideration and gives me honest feedback. I have tried to let him go and found it quite impossible. He is the most precious thing in my life and he has my whole heart.

Since this has been going on, I have become more and more confused about how I should act, what I should say and do. However, my love for Greg grows. I dont want to hurt my sister, but we were never very close to begin with. Is this relationship worth my pain and great love?

LITTLE SISTER

DEAR LITTLE SISTER: Lets get right to the point. The man you have fallen in love with lacks integrity. He is your sisters boyfriend, and hes juggling both of you. The longer the sneaking around continues, the greater your chances that it will be discovered. And when it is, it will cause a rift in your family and Greg will head for the hills. My advice to you is to end it NOW.

DEAR ABBY: Often, when I have a dental appointment, it will be scheduled in the late morning around 10 or 11. I think it would be terrible manners to eat before going, and have the dentist dig through the food in my teeth.

After the actual cleaning and then following the instruction of waiting before the next meal, it could be as late as 1 p.m. in the afternoon before I get my first meal of the day. Some people have good stamina, I suppose, but it is very hard for me to wait that long.

Have you any suggestions about how not to go hungry and yet not be rude to the dentist?

CLEAN TEETH,

RUMBLING TUMMY

DEAR C.T.R.T.: Enjoy a nourishing breakfast and then thoroughly brush and floss your teeth afterward. If you will be eating out, take along one of those little travel brushes and mini-toothpastes that are sold at markets and drugstores everywhere. That way you wont be hungry, and your dentist wont be grossed out.

DEAR ABBY: The letters you have printed recently about cute comments made by children reminded me of something that happened with my son a while back. My child was a preemie who later developed a condition similar to a hernia. Its common in premature babies.

When he was 3 years old, I took him to a pediatric surgeon to have the condition corrected. (This is when the problem began to manifest itself.) My son was given the typical examination by the doctor for a hernia. At 3, my son stood on the examination table, and, as the doctor examined his testicles, he shouted, Im going to tell an adult!

The doctor looked at me as if I should do something. I told my son, Its OK, Mommys here, and this is a doctor examining you, but in any other circumstances, you do exactly what you just did! The doctor didnt say a word, and I gave myself a silent, Yes! He understands!

Kids need to know.

KAREN IN TAMPA, FLA.

DEAR KAREN: I agree. And bravo to you for making sure your son understood that important lesson early.

DEAR ABBY: I recently began dating again as a single mother. I met a man Ill call Mickey at a singles dance and agreed to meet him at a coffeehouse a few days later because I had decided to date him. However, Mickey followed me home. I saw him pass my house.

A few days later, he showed up at a store where I was shopping, although he doesnt live nearby. I invited him over for dinner, and he showed up again within the week, uninvited, and walked into my house while I was taking a nap! When I confronted him about entering my house uninvited, he said he was concerned about my welfare. (I have systemic lupus.)

Abby, I dated Mickey a total of four weeks. Since then, he has continuously driven by my house and dropped off presents of books, cards, candy, flowers, etc. I have asked him not to come by uninvited or without calling first, but he just dropped off another book. He appears not to understand that his intrusive behavior is freaking me out. What can I do? Is this considered stalking? He hasnt threatened me, but Im frightened and wish hed stop pursuing me. What can I do?

FREAKED OUT

DEAR FREAKED OUT: Tell the man plainly that you are not interested in a relationship and you want him to stop dropping by and giving you gifts. If he persists, begin keeping a written record every time it happens and notify the police, because his behavior could be considered stalking. You should also make certain to keep your doors and windows securely locked so you dont have any further unwelcome intrusions. You may also have to screen your calls for a while, and if he calls, do not respond.

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