My glasses have Wi-Fi

By Philip Case, Published:

What began as the embodiment of the oft-heard saying, “necessity is the mother of invention,” went way past that.

So it was the day one of the “arms” fell off my glasses and the tiny screw bounced somewhere into oblivion, never to be heard from or seen again…

This particular pair of glasses, perfectly captured here in Linda “Cat” Boileau’s cartoon, serves as my in-office computer glasses. Unlike my others, this prescription features no bifocals, trifocals, no-line quadfocals and the like. The lenses are the same whether you’re looking through the top, bottom, sides or straight ahead.

And things about 18 inches away – like my computer screen – are in perfect focus. I can move my head from side to side, up or down without feeling as if I’m being flipped from the northern to southern hemisphere in an observatory. They’re just perfect for the purpose: typing at my computer – and little else like driving or recognizing people at a distance.

So when the screw went missing never to be found again, I was on the ho’ns of a dilemma: How was I going to keep the arm in place?

It was then I remembered Susan telling me about how Ben Moore handled a similar problem with a pink safety pin. You likely know Ben or have heard of him – octogenarian tennis star with courts down on Old Lawrenceburg Road. Apparently he was a fashion hit one night at choir practice at First Christian Church.

I started searching my desk drawers for a safety pin, the color didn’t matter. There was none to be found.

But there were a lot of paper clips! I picked out a nice one – not pink, no such thing here at Your Hometown Newspaper – bent it a bit and it slipped right in the hole recently vacated by the microscopic screw.

And it remains there to this very day.

I don’t think much about it since, unlike Moore, I wasn’t looking to make a fashion statement and it works fine for the purpose. The paper clip holds the glasses together, however, it does cause visitors and new hires a moment’s pause. I guess it’s tough for them to talk seriously with someone whose glasses are held together with a paper clip, imagine that!

So, when I realize someone’s is staring at my paper clip instead of my deep brown eyes, I offer then an explanation, whether they solicit one or not. I think for many it’s something like wondering whether or not you should tell someone they have broccoli stuck in their teeth.

“You wondering about my paper clip?” I begin. “It’s my Wi-Fi antenna.”

That causes them another moment’s pause.

“You’re kidding?” is the typical first response. But since people always take me seriously I guess they figure they should ask.

So I continue right on along, the fiction now departing the truth in short order.

“Nope, not kidding. It’s really handy. I can get email, text messages, visit Facebook – well, about anything you can do with your laptop, desktop, SmartPhone, notebook, iPad … and so forth!”

You see that in Boileau’s depiction, even the famous Mr. Spock is jealous!

So Ben Moore’s pink safety pin has nothing on this way-too-cool paper clip Wi-Fi antenna.

Drop is sometime if you’d like to see the fashion statement for yourself.

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